


Firsts

by TheMaskedAvenger



Series: Firsts and Lasts [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: 1930s, 1940s, Awkward First Times, First Kiss, First Time, Happy Ending, M/M, Period Typical Attitudes, Period-Typical Homophobia, Period-Typical Racism, Pre-Captain America: The First Avenger, Pre-Serum Steve Rogers, Pre-War, Temporary Character Death, mentions of past off-screen non-con
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-05
Updated: 2019-08-09
Packaged: 2020-08-10 00:21:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 15,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20126269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheMaskedAvenger/pseuds/TheMaskedAvenger
Summary: The firsts of Steve and Bucky's relationships.





	1. Chapter 1

Bucky had a date with Rosalie McGillis Friday night. 

Except not _ really _, because Rosalie was only 14 and her parents said she couldn’t date until she was 17. Bucky’s parents hadn’t put a number on him, but they told him that he was only 15 and needed to focus on his schoolwork, not girls, at his age.

But if Bucky and Steve and Rosalie and her sister and a couple other people went to the soda fountain and then the high school basketball game Friday afternoon, and Rosalie and Bucky snuck off under the bleachers and Bucky stole a kiss, it wasn’t anyone’s business but theirs, right?

And apparently Steve’s, because Bucky had fretted for over a week to him.

“What if we get caught and get in trouble?”

“What if she doesn’t think I’m a good kisser? I’ve never kissed a girl before!”

That part Steve could help with. 

He convinced Bucky to practice by kissing him, in Steve’s room while his ma was at work, every afternoon that week, until Steve had declared Bucky a better kisser than John Barrymore.

Practice paid off, apparently, as Rosalie and Bucky emerged from under the bleachers starry eyed and red-lipped. 

Since Steve and Rosalie were about the same height, it was easy for Bucky to keep practicing with Steve, things like how to steal a kiss while walking without knocking her over, or how to kiss with tongue. 

Two months later, the three of them were walking home from school. Bucky and Rosalie ducked into alleys and under fire escapes to steal a kiss. 

As they emerged from behind the big sign advertising shoe repairs, Rosalie sighed dreamily and looked at Bucky. 

“How did you get to be such a great kisser?”

“Practice.” popped out of Steve’s mouth before he could stop it.

Rosalie narrowed her eyes and jokingly scolded. “And just what girls have you been practicing with, Bucky Barnes?”

“No one but you, doll.” Bucky swore. 

Apparently Rosalie saw Steve smirk and raise an eyebrow at her behind Buck’s back.

She watched the two of them like a hawk after that, but whatever it was that she saw, she didn’t mention it when she broke up with Bucky three weeks later. 


	2. Chapter 2

When Steve was 18, Bucky got them a double date with the Murphy sisters.

Bucky had been on a few dates with Mary Margaret, and he had convinced her younger sister Mary Kate to come along as a date for Steve. 

It wasn’t the first time Bucky had arranged a double date for them, but it was the first time after Steve’s ma had died. 

He had barely left the house except for work (when he was able to go) for weeks. Bucky started out bringing over meals, and then staying the night because he didn’t want Steve to be alone. One day Buck just showed up with his clothes in a borrowed suitcase and the rest of his things in a box and announced that he might as well just move in as much time as he was spending at Steve’s place, according to his mom. 

Steve didn’t think he was ready to be out in public, or to do much socializing, but Bucky insisted it would be good for him to get his mind off things. Becca agreed with him, and so did Ma Barnes. 

Steve had learned it was useless to argue when two or more of the Barnes clan ganged up on him. 

Mary Kate was as shy as her sister was bold. Bucky and Mary Margaret kissed openly (with tongue) in the movie theater, while Mary Kate jumped a foot if Steve’s knuckles brushed over hers when they both reached for popcorn. 

After the movie, Mary Margaret wanted to go down by the river. She knew a quiet place, where they could see the stars. Bucky stopped and bought a bottle of cheap red wine on the way. 

Bucky and Mary Margaret took turns drinking straight from the bottle. Steve took a few swallows, but Mary Kate looked as if they had offered her straight up poison when Bucky held the bottle toward her. 

Half a bottle later, Bucky and Mary Margaret disappeared behind the dock master’s shack. 

Mary Kate promptly launched into a tirade about how “that Bucky Barnes” was going to turn her sister into “a loose woman.” The sisters’ mother had died in childbirth with her tenth child two years earlier, which their father claimed was judgement from God for the fact that their mother hadn’t been chaste before marriage and they had to get married because her oldest brother Seamus had been on the way. 

Steve frowned. “Well if your mother wasn’t chaste, ended up in the family way, and she and your father had to get married, that means it was your father she was giving the tumble, so wouldn’t God judge him too?” 

Mary Kate stared at him in horror for several long moments before she leapt to her feet and took off walking rapidly back toward home. 

Steve looked over at where Buck and Mary Margaret hadn’t emerged from their hiding place, then back at Mary Kate rushing away. He hesitated for a moment before picking up the wine bottle, and heading after Mary Kate. 

His mother had raised him better than to let a girl walk home alone after a date. 

She made it clear to him that she was not interested in his company, but Steve insisted on at least following her to make sure she got home safely. 

She grudgingly thanked him for it when she reached her front door, and said she would tell her father that her dinner had disagreed with her, as an excuse as to why she got home before her sister. 

He thanked her for that and apologized that she hadn’t had a better evening. 

He walked the four blocks back to his and Bucky’s apartment alone. 

He sat on the couch in the dark, and took a few more sips of the wine, which was almost empty. 

Bucky came home about half an hour later.

“Steve? Are you okay? What happened?”

Steve snorted. “Mary Kate got offended that you were making a loose woman of her sister. I saw her home and then came on here.”

Buck threw himself onto the couch next to Steve. 

“Sorry.” He muttered. “I had hoped she would be more like her sister.”

“You’d better watch out.” Steve rolled his eyes, even if Bucky couldn’t see him in the dark. “Those Murphy women apparently have a history of having to get married.”

“Yeah. I haven’t done anything like that with her.”

“Then what did you do with her?” Again, Steve’s mouth got away with him and he said something he really hadn’t meant to. 

“You really want to know?”

Steve didn’t answer, but Buck told him anyway. 

“She let me use my mouth on her, kiss and lick her _ there _, between her legs, and make her feel good.”

Steve didn’t speak, not sure whether he was turned on or just _ furious _, thinking about Buck doing that with a girl. 

“You know what she did to me?” Bucky asked, whispering right in Steve’s good ear, his voice soft and dirty.

“What?” Steve breathed.

“She kissed me.” Bucky leaned in and kissed Steve, with tongue. 

Steve could taste wine and Mary Margaret on Bucky’s mouth, but that wasn’t what made him hard.

“And she unzipped my pants.” Bucky did the same to Steve. “And touched me like this.”

Bucky stroked Steve’s hard cock a few times, until Steve complained about the friction of Bucky’s work calloused hands. 

“Too dry.”

“Then she did this.” Bucky said softly, dipping his head and taking Steve in his mouth. 

Steve’s hips jerked involuntarily. Bucky held onto Steve’s bony pelvis as he pulled back and then sucked him down again. 

Steve decided that if Jesus came back right this minute he would gladly miss Heaven to let Bucky keep doing this to him. 

The warm, wet suction of Bucky’s mouth was a million times better than when Steve touched himself, even in the bath with warm, soapy water easing the way. 

“Buck!” Steve warned, pushing at Bucky’s shoulder, even though the last thing he wanted was for Bucky to stop.

Bucky pulled off, stroking Steve to completion with his hand. The last thing Steve saw before he closed his eyes and came all over his good shirt was Bucky watching him.

When Steve could think again, he was half lying on the couch, with Bucky’s head on his thigh. They stayed that way, silently, for several long moments before Bucky pushed himself up to stumble into the other room. He came back with a dish cloth that he used to wipe Steve off, then helped him remove his shirt and half carried him to bed. 

Bucky went to the bathroom, then crawled into bed beside Steve, snuggled up, and was snoring in under a minute. 

The next morning, Bucky made some comment about too much wine, but didn’t mention what happened between them otherwise. 

When Steve was doing laundry later that afternoon, he discovered that Bucky had come in his pants. 

A week and a half later, when Bucky came home in a foul mood, livid about an argument with another dock hand, Steve had returned the favor. 

He told Buck that it was obvious Buck needed to blow off some steam, and since Mary Margaret wasn’t around. Steve would take care of him. 

Bucky told him (or really, mostly himself) that it didn’t make them fairies, that they were just taking care of each other like they’d always done. They were just doing something different to take care of one another now. Men had needs, and who better to take care of a man’s needs than his best friend?

When Bucky and Mary Margaret broke up a few weeks later, they started taking care of each other several nights a week.


	3. Chapter 3

The last couple weeks before Steve’s 19th birthday, Bucky had been working some overtime. 

He made excuses to Steve, that he’d hung around talking to one of his co-workers for a while, that he’d taken the long way home because of an overturned produce cart, whatever. 

Steve wasn’t stupid. Bucky was coming home late, more hot, sweaty, and tired than usual. 

Steve trusted him, and figured Buck would tell what was really going on when he was ready. 

Part of him secretly hoped that Bucky had something special planned for his birthday. 

The day before Steve’s birthday, Bucky said that he would be home early that night. He said for Steve to be cleaned up and dressed up, because Bucky had them a double date that night to celebrate Steve’s birthday. 

Steve was a little surprised. They had been on exactly two double dates since the disaster at the marina with Mary Kate. Bucky hadn’t been dating anyone recently. Usually it took a couple weeks to talk the latest girl into scaring up a friend for Steve. 

Bucky was home early, washed up, slicked his hair back with Brylcream, and put on one of his best outfits.

Steve was already jealous of a dame he hadn’t even met, if she got Bucky all spiffed up like this. 

Bucky said their dates would meet them at the restaurant. Bucky walked him to an honest to God sit down place, with candles and everything, not the diner or pizza joint Steve had been expecting. 

Their dates were waiting in the lobby, Sophia and Paloma, two exotically beautiful Italian dames in red dresses and high heeled shoes with real silk stockings. 

Paloma didn’t even blink, much less frown in disgust when Bucky introduced her to Steve. She clasped his shoulders and kissed him on both cheeks, proclaiming him “assolutamente adorabile!” 

Bucky ordered steak dinners and wine for all of them. 

Paloma talked to Steve all evening, asking him more questions about himself than every other date he’d ever had combined. 

She didn’t offer much information about herself, other than that her parents had died when she was young, so she had come to America two years ago to escape her aunt who didn’t treat her well. Sophia, who had been her best friend since childhood, had come with her. She was a hairdresser, and Sophia was a seamstress.

Every time he looked over, Sophia was just as intently in conversation with Bucky, who smiled and winked. 

After a delicious meal Steve couldn’t even finish, Bucky paid the check, and leaned over to whisper to Steve. 

“The ladies have invited us back to their apartment for a drink.”

Steve blinked at him, because that was very forward for a first date, but Buck just grinned and urged him to come on. 

The girls lived a few blocks from the restaurant in a building much nicer than the one Steve and Bucky lived in. 

Sophia poured the men a scotch and herself and Paloma a glass of wine. 

Bucky toasted “To Steve, for surviving another year against the odds, and to all the years he’ll keep surviving, purely out of spite.”

The women laughed and drank, saluting Steve. 

Sophia leaned in and kissed Bucky.

Steve knew he was staring as they went on kissing, but couldn’t stop himself. 

Finally Bucky pushed himself to his feet, leaned over to slip something into Steve’s palm, then took Sophia’s hand and allowed her to lead him into one of the bedrooms. 

Steve looked down at the wrapped condom in his hand and felt as if he had been dunked in ice water. 

Paloma sat down beside him and kissed the side of Steve’s jaw. 

“How much is Bucky paying you?” he asked hoarsely.

She sighed. “Tesoro, don’t be angry with him.”

Steve huffed. “I don’t need him to … “

Paloma put a finger on his lips. “He loves you very much. He wanted to give you confidence. He wanted you to believe in yourself, that you would find a lady worthy of you.”

“I don’t want … “ Steve started angrily, but again, Palmoa shushed him. 

“He cannot marry you. I cannot marry Sophia. The best he can do is find you a woman who will treat you like the treasure you are, and turn a blind eye when the two of you spend time alone.”

“You’re wrong.” Steve insisted. “Buck isn’t like that. He’s not bent like me.”

“I work as a hairdresser, but I make my living in knowing how to read men.” She told him. “He loves you more than he will admit even to himself.”

Steve sighed and tossed back the rest of his whiskey, causing him to sputter and choke. 

Paloma smiled softly at him and stroked his cheek. “He is right about you, though, tesoro. You are a strong, brilliant man. Many people would not look beyond the exterior, but if one ever does, she will find a good man in you. If I were looking for a man in my life, I would be honored to have you.”

“You don’t have to say that.” Steve frowned. “You’ll be paid either way.”

“I don’t say that because I am being paid.” She shook her head. “It is rare that I actually  _ like _ any of the gentlemen I spend time with. I truly like you, Steve. I wish you and your Bucky could be together.”

“Thank you.” Steve said with a sad smile. 

“Come with me.” She rose and took his hand. “Your Bucky will be hurt if you do not accept his birthday gift.”

She led him into her bedroom and closed the door, gesturing for him to sit on the bed. 

She stood just a foot and a half from him and slowly undressed herself. She showed him how to unsnap her garter and laughed softly when he got the second one on the first try. 

She gently pushed him back onto the bed, undressed him, and kissed his jaw again. 

She touched him, and showed him how to touch her. She brought him to full hardness with her mouth, then took the condom he still had clutched in his hand. She rolled it onto him, and then sank down, riding him slowly for a bit. As he got closer, she crawled off to lay beside him, and encouraged him to lay on top of her. She touched herself as Steve thrust, encouraging him with soft moans and whispers of “Harder.” and “You can let yourself go.”

Her body jerked, and her inner walls clenched around Steve’s cock, pushing him over the edge. 

He rolled over to lay beside her, and she offered him a cigarette. 

He smoked with her, and reflected on how this was not at all how he had imagined losing his virginity, but then he realized that he had never actually expected to lose his virginity. He never really thought a woman would want him, and always figured he wasn’t going to live very long anyway.

It had been nice, and he could appreciate that Paloma was beautiful, but she wasn’t Bucky, and in that moment, he almost wanted to cry. 

She kissed his cheek. “It’s alright to be emotional after making love. It stirs the soul. But I am not the one your soul longs for.”

She carded her fingers through his hair and spoke softly, telling him that he was a good man, and that the world would be a better place if more people loved one another unselfishly and accepted that love didn’t have to be a man and a woman.

When he had himself under control, he dressed. She slipped into a robe and slippers, and walked with him back to the living room. 

Bucky was on the couch with a cup of coffee. He smiled brilliantly at Steve, but there was a sadness in his eyes at the same time. 

Sophia, also dressed in a robe, offered Steve coffee.

“No, thank you.” He told her, never taking his eyes off Bucky. “Come on, let’s go home.”


	4. Chapter 4

Life went on. 

Bucky went on dates, but rarely stayed with the same girl more than a few weeks. Occasionally he convinced his girl to find Steve a date so they could double. 

Bucky was always careful to be charming and attentive to his date more than to Steve, and since Steve already had a reputation for being bumbling and awkward, no one expected much from him. 

They would come home afterwards and more often than not “blow off steam together” or more accurately, blow each other. 

Every so often, Bucky still had to justify it out loud. They weren’t really fairies. If all of Steve’s blood was in his (a bit larger than average) dick, then it wouldn’t be clogging up Steve’s lungs, and Steve could always breathe better after he got off. And if Bucky’s going to get Steve off, it’s only fair if Steve gets him off too. Men have needs, you know.

After he accidentally overheard Frannie Jenkins tell Gladys Henderson that she was biding her time until “poor Steve” died so she could console Bucky right down the aisle, Steve figured that he might not live to be 40, but he could make sure Bucky never forgot him. 

Most of the leaves had fallen off the trees and the nip in the air had turned into a downright bite. 

Steve was working as a clerk at an insurance office and doing some freelance drawing on the side, but he still got home earlier most nights than Bucky, who was still working at the docks.

These days Buck’s cheeks were always pink from the cold winds blowing in, and his hands perpetually chapped from the frigid air that seeped through the new holes that turned up in his gloves as fast as Steve could sew the old holes closed. 

Steve had just collected on a newspaper ad he had drawn up for Nanneman’s Butcher Shop, so he had a couple extra dollars this week. 

He bought a whole chicken, potatoes, peas, carrots, and some bread from the bakery that just needed to be warmed in the oven. It was much more than they’d eat, but there would be leftovers for lunch for a day or two. 

He also bought a can of Crisco Shortening. 

By the time Bucky got home, dinner was ready, and Steve had turned up the heat a little. He was wearing only one of Bucky’s shirts and his underwear, which he knew Bucky liked, even if he had never said anything. 

After dinner, after Bucky had finally gotten warm, it was a cinch for Steve to coax him into the bedroom with a promise to take care of “his needs”. 

Steve had already left a scoop of shortening in the smallest bowl they owned in the bedroom. 

Once he had Bucky stripped down and laid back, Steve rubbed a little shortening on his hands. 

“You gettin’ ready to bake some biscuits?” Bucky joked, then sucked in his breath as Steve’s hand slid smoothly down his cock. 

“Shit.” Bucky hissed. “Where’d you learn that from?”

“I’ve been talking to Jakko Dziedzic.” Steve said softly, licking a stripe down the underside of Bucky’s cock. 

“The … the Polish … unh … fairy?” Bucky managed to choke out.

“Yeah. He’s full of interesting information.”

“Like … shit, Stevie … like what?”

“Like how men who don’t have queer sex don’t know what they’re missing. That men’s bodies are made to do something different than women.”

“Of course they’re different.” Bucky actually managed coherently, since Steve had paused to look at him. “Men don’t have babies.”

“Do you trust me?” 

Bucky’s eyes softened. “Of course I do.”

“Let me show you something.” 

Bucky nodded slowly.

Steve slicked up a finger and rubbed across Bucky’s hole as he returned to sucking. He slowly worked it in, then slid it slowly in and out. 

“This is weird, Steve.” Bucky huffed. 

“Wait. It’s gonna get better.” Steve promised. 

He slicked up a second finger and worked it in alongside the first, wriggling them around, looking for … 

And  _ found it _ , based on the way Bucky nearly choked him, hips surging off the bed with a shouted “Oh, fuck!”

Steve coughed and his eyes watered as he struggled not to gag after having Bucky’s cock much further down his throat than ever before. 

Bucky babbled apologies mixed with something like “do that again.”

Steve rubbed Buck’s prostate as he sucked.

Buck moaned softly and babbled nonsense for about two minutes until he came so quickly that he didn’t even warn Steve to pull off. 

Steve spit on Buck’s stomach, but Bucky wasn’t even mad. 

He was the most relaxed and boneless Steve had ever seen him. He was also incredibly cuddly, as he tended to be after good sex, pulling Steve into his arms and nuzzling Steve’s hair.

Steve poked Bucky’s side with his erection. 

“I’ll take care of that in a few minutes.”

“When?” 

“Right after I remember my own name.” Bucky groaned. “Holy shit, do you know what that feels like? That was better than fucking a dame.”

“You can show me.”

“Gimme a minute.”

“I swear, Buck, if you fall asleep without taking care of me, you’re gonna have to suck your own dick for a month.“

“Can you imagine if you could suck your own dick?”

Steve laughed, and laid with Bucky until he recovered enough to demonstrate to Steve what all the fuss was about.


	5. Chapter 5

Christmas came and went, as did the new year, and then in January, Steve came down with a cold. 

He got better, but then got much, much worse. 

He stayed home from work alone for two days. When Bucky got home the second day, Steve was running a high fever and dehydrated because he was so weak he hadn’t been out of bed to get anything to drink. 

Bucky stayed with him for the next two days, but his boss sent word the next day that Bucky had better come to work or else. 

Mrs. O’Sullivan, one of the widows who lived on the third floor, offered to stay with Steve. She refused any sort of payment, since Bucky regularly helped her with things like carrying her groceries up the stairs and carrying her trash down. 

She spent two days with Steve but told Bucky on the evening of the second day that Steve seemed worse. His fever was very high, and she’d been unable to wake him for the past few hours. 

Bucky was ready to go find a doctor, but Mrs. O’Sullivan told him to wait. She went upstairs and got Mrs. Lamarche, who lived across the hall from her. 

Mrs. Lamarche claimed to be dark French-Canadian, but anyone with eyes could see that she was really a redskin. 

Mrs. Lamarche put her ear to Steve’s chest and paled. 

“He will die tonight if we do not clear his lungs.” She told them. 

She went to her apartment and returned with raw garlic and onions, and a bit of cornflower. 

She asked Bucky if he had any vinegar, which he didn’t, but Mrs. O’Sullivan had some.

They chopped the onions and garlic and cooked them for a few minutes with just a little bit of water. 

Mrs. Lamarche ground them up with a potato masher, then added the cornflower and a little vinegar to make a paste. She rubbed the whole foul smelling thing on Steve’s back, and then told Bucky to put the hot water bottle on it. 

Within half an hour, Steve was coughing up something nasty and green, but he was breathing better. 

Mrs. Lamarche went back to her apartment. She brought back peppermint tea and honey. 

“Make him drink this all night, as often as you can, even if it’s just a few sips at a time. And lots of water. Keep him warm. Don’t wash the poultice off his back until morning, but put the hot water bottle back on it every few hours. He will be better in the morning. My maman was a healer in Canada. We have seen many lung fevers.”

“Thank you so much.” Bucky practically sobbed. “I will pay you. Right now I have nothing but I will pay you as soon as I can.”

“It is not necessary.” She told him. “When you have money, bring me more onions and garlic so I may help someone else. That will be payment enough for me.”

“Thank you.” Bucky repeated as she left. 

He stayed up with Steve all night, forcing him to drink peppermint tea with honey and water, and applying heat to the stinky poultice on Steve’s back. 

Just before dawn, Steve’s fever broke and his breathing eased. 

Bucky laid down on the floor beside the bed and slept for a couple hours. 

He woke to Steve’s bony finger poking his side.

“Buck. I need something to drink. And I stink.”

Bucky laughed out loud. 

By that evening, Steve was able to sit up in bed and eat soup. 

By the next day, he was able to get up and go to the couch. 

Bucky’s ma stayed with Steve the next day when Bucky went back to work, and Mrs. O’Sullivan the day after, but on the third day Steve insisted he was fine to stay alone. 

Bucky’s ma and Mrs. O’Sullivan both brought “leftovers” by, claiming they had made too much food and would never eat all this. Mrs. Lamarche came by a few times to check on Steve, and pronounced that he was recovering well.

When Bucky came home Friday night, Steve was up, heating up Mrs. O’Sullivan’s stew for dinner. 

“My boss came by earlier to check on me.” Steve told him. “He really needs me back on Monday. They’re getting behind.”

Bucky frowned. 

“I’ll be fine by then, Buck. I feel 100% better already. And besides, I really need this job.”

“Yeah, I guess you do.”

Saturday was spent being lazy around the apartment, relaxing and being thankful that Steve was doing so much better. 

After supper, Steve whispered to Bucky. “Let’s go to bed early. I want to take care of you.”

“Are you sure? I mean, you’re just getting over pneumonia. I don’t want you to rush it if you don’t feel well.”

“I haven’t gotten off in three weeks, Buck. I’m dying here.”

“We can’t have that.” Bucky joked. “We just saved your life last weekend.”

Usually the two of them were pretty efficient, getting straight to the mouths on dicks and occasional fingers on the prostate. There wasn’t any kissing or petting, because of course they’re just helping each other out. They’re not _ queer _, or anything like that. 

Tonight, they stripped down and got in bed, with Bucky on his back. But when Steve crawled on top, Bucky pulled Steve down and kissed him, which he hadn’t done since … well, Steve didn't actually remember the last time. 

He slicked his hand with Crisco and then wrapped it around both his and Steve’s dicks, tugging gently. 

Steve groaned, rolling his hips against Bucky’s.

They kissed a few more times until Steve pulled away to focus on Bucky’s cock. 

“Do you want me to use my fingers?” Steve asked. 

“Put it in me.” Bucky whispered.

“What?” Steve asked, sitting up so quickly he almost fell off the bed.

“I like girls.” Bucky said quickly. “I like the way they look and the way they feel and the way they smell. But you’re different, Stevie. I never looked at any other fella. But I’d turn queer in a heartbeat for you. Last weekend you almost died and I was afraid you would be gone and I would never get the chance to be with you. I don’t care if I go to hell. I want … “

Steve interrupted him with a kiss. 

“So show me what to do, because I know you already talked to Jakko about it.” Bucky concluded.

“We gotta get you ready.” Steve told him, reaching for the Crisco. “You can’t just stick it in like with a dame. You gotta stretch it and warm up and use lubricant because men don’t get wet like girls do.”

Steve slipped one slick finger inside. Bucky threw his head back and moaned softly. He worked his way up to two, and then three fingers, with Bucky telling him every few moments to get on with it already. 

“I don’t want to hurt you.” Steve said. 

“I don’t care.”

Steve folded his hand around to get the fourth finger in, and Bucky jerked beneath him. “It already hurts. Just do it.”

Steve pulled his fingers out, slicked up his cock, and pushed in. 

“Fuck.” Bucky whined. 

“Do you want me to stop?” 

“It gets better, right?”

“It must, or queers would never do this, right?”

“Okay, then give me a minute.”

“Let me get more grease.” Steve told him. 

He pulled out, slicking himself again, and shoving two fingers liberally slathered in shortening into Bucky. 

“Ready to try again?”

Bucky nodded.

“Relax. Breathe through your mouth.” Steve instructed. 

Bucky did, and Steve’s cock slid in much easier this time. 

He bottomed out, and waited until Bucky told him to get moving. 

They started slowly, until Bucky began moving with him, starting to get hard again. He reached over and slicked up his hand, and began stroking himself in time with Steve’s thrusts. 

He reached up with his other hand, grabbed the back of Steve’s neck and pulled him down into a long and dirty kiss. 

“Your dick is like four times the size of your finger, but you can’t find that spot with it?” He challenged.

Steve shifted Bucky’s hips a couple times until Bucky suddenly arched up off the bed. 

“Got it, huh?” Steve laughed. 

It only took about two minutes after that for Bucky to reach his climax, with his body’s contractions pushing Steve over the edge right behind him. 

Steve collapsed on top of him, and Bucky once again turned into his post-orgasmic cuddle monster self. 

“You gonna let me do this again sometime?” Steve asked. 

“Ask me again when I see how bad my ass hurts tomorrow.” Bucky sighed, nuzzling Steve’s hair.


	6. Chapter 6

Steve woke first the next morning, but after going to the bathroom, he slipped back into bed and pressed his chest against Bucky’s back. 

Bucky stirred a few minutes later, rolling over to bury his face in Steve’s neck. 

“Mornin’.” he muttered. 

“How much are you hurting?” Steve whispered. 

“I’m okay.”

“Seriously.”

“Seriously, right this minute I’m okay. That might change when I go to sit down, but it’s not bad right now.”

"I'm sorry."

"I'm not. We'll figure out how to do it so it doesn't hurt. Or maybe I just have to get used to it. Mary Ellen told me the first couple times we did it, that it hurt until she got used to it. Even with me trying to be careful."

"You made time with Mary Ellen Wilkins?" 

"That was a long time ago. Before I lived here."

"I want you to do me tonight."

"What? Steve, no!"

"Why? You don't think I can handle it?"

"I didn't say that and now you're going to do it or die trying just to prove you can."

“You of all people should know that I’m tougher than you look.”

“Yeah, and you of all people know that when you get worked up over something you can’t breathe. And that you have chest pains and palpitations. What if we’re in the middle of a tumble and you die? I can’t lose you!”

“It’s gonna take more than you full on turning me into a fairy to kill me.”

“Pal, I got news for you. We’ve been makin’ time for almost two years. I think we’re both full on fairies by now.”

“Aren’t you the one who kept saying we were just pals taking care of each other and that didn’t make us fairies?”

“Don’t argue with me when I didn’t get any coffee yet.”

Steve pushed against Bucky’s chest affectionately. Bucky rolled out of the bed, to the bathroom and then the kitchen, and that was the end of the conversation for the moment. 

Bucky’s ma came by after church to make sure Steve was on the mend. She looked at the two of them with narrowed eyes, which almost sent Bucky into a full on panic, but she didn’t say anything. 

Late in the afternoon, when the sun was going down but it was a bit early to think about supper yet, Steve climbed into Bucky’s lap and kissed him. 

“Steve.” Bucky sighed. 

“I want this, Buck. You said you were afraid I was going to die and you’d never get to be with me. What about me? What about what I want before I die?”

“You’re being extra manipulative right now. You know that, don’t you?”

“Is it working?”

Bucky laughed, then sobered. “I’m not going to talk you out of it.”

“Nope.”

Steve stood and started walking toward the bedroom, taking off his shirt and throwing it toward Bucky as he went. 

Bucky followed, to find Steve mostly stripped down already. He took his own clothes off and joined Steve on the bed. 

They laid down side by side, kisses slowly building in intensity, soft caresses turning into more firm touches. 

Bucky pulled the dish of Crisco from its new unofficial hiding place under the edge of the bed and put it within easy reach. Steve reached under his pillow and pulled out their most threadbare towel. He raised his hips enough to slide the towel under. 

“Really?” Bucky rolled his eyes. 

Steve kissed him to shut him up. 

Bucky liberally coated a finger in Crisco, then swallowed Steve down while he rubbed over Steve’s hole. Steve clenched his hands in Bucky’s hair.

Bucky levered himself up to look at Steve, who frowned at the interruption. 

“You trying to yank me bald?”

“Sorry.” Steve let go of Bucky’s hair and grabbed two handfuls of the sheets instead. 

“Relax.” Bucky whispered as the tip of his fingertip breached Steve’s opening. 

From there, it was only a matter of taking it slowly, as he worked up to the whole finger, then two fingers, and then three. 

“Come on already.” Steve begged. 

Bucky bit his lip. “You’re already breathing hard.”

“That’s not the only thing that’s hard.” Steve grumbled. 

“Steve.” Bucky sighed. “I’m not going to do something that’s going to hurt you. Don’t ask me to do that.”

“What if I’m on top?” Steve suggested. “You lay back, let me straddle you, and then I can be in control and stop if I need to.”

“You’re not going to stop even if you need to. You’re too stubborn.”

“I promise you, if I absolutely can’t breathe or start having heart palpitations, I will at least take a break.”

“You promise me?”

“I promise.”

“Because if you die on me in the middle of fucking I’m going to prop you up in the corner and throw darts at you.”

“We don’t own any darts.”

“I’ll find some.”

Steve laughed, and then leaned up to kiss Bucky. “Come on, switch places. Let’s try it this way.”

They shifted around so that Bucky was laying back with Steve straddling his waist. 

“Wait.” Bucky said. 

He scooped up a glob of Crisco with two fingers and pushed them into Steve, rubbing around to spread the slick as much as possible. Steve likewise grabbed a handful of shortening to rub all over Bucky’s cock. 

“Ready?” Bucky asked, pulling his fingers out.

Steve nodded. 

“Breathe through your mouth. It really does help. And relax.”

Steve threw his head back. “Would you stop mother henning me already!”

Bucky held Steve’s hipbone with one hand and steadied his cock with the other as Steve lowered himself down slowly. 

When Steve was all the way down, Bucky let out the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. 

“You okay?” he asked. 

Steve looked at him, his eyes glittering in the low light. “I am aces. I am absolutely swell. Dynamite, even.”

“I think you mean I’m aces and dynamite, since I’m the one making you feel like that.”

“I think you give yourself too much credit.”

Bucky tightened his hands on Steve’s hips and raised him a little as he tried to pull back. “We’ll see who should be getting the credit.”

Steve began moving slowly, shifting his hips a few times until he found the right angle and rhythm and began to move in earnest.

Bucky slicked his hand and wrapped it around Steve’s cock. Steve moaned softly and faltered for a moment before resuming a faster pace than before. 

“I’m getting close.” Bucky warned. 

“I’m there.” Steve gasped, and then groaned Bucky’s name as he came. 

Bucky pushed upward while pulling Steve down against him, biting his lip in his effort not to make too much noise. 

Steve pitched forward and collapsed against Bucky’s chest, burying his face in the crook of Bucky’s neck.

“You okay?” Bucky whispered.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been better.” 

“Well since you came calling out my name and not yours, I think I’m the one who’s aces.”

Steve punched his shoulder. “Shut up.”


	7. Chapter 7

Two years later, Steve was still alive, Bucky rarely went on dates, and Mrs. Lamarche was attacked. 

Steve and Bucky never asked where she had been, but she was coming home at dusk, on a warm evening in late spring. 

Steve and Bucky had the windows open, cleaning up their supper dishes when they heard shouting down on the street, and a woman scream. 

Steve threw down the dish towel and raced out of the front door, despite the fact he was dressed in his undershirt and barefoot. 

Bucky ran after him, knowing that Steve was very likely about to get himself into trouble. 

Right in front of the building, Mrs. Lamarche knelt on the ground, her purse spilled out across the sidewalk next to her.

She had to be at least in her mid-60s, but she still wore her hair in two long dark plaits streaked with gray. 

Fred Talbot had one of them wrapped around his hand, jerking her head. Harry Lampkins and Davey Becker stood nearby, jeering.

Steve, of course, was right up in front of Fred, shouting at him about picking on an elderly lady.

“An elderly lady? You really are blind, aren’t you, Rogers? She ain't no lady! This here is a squaw! And she needs to pack up her red-skinned, buffalo loving ass, and get herself to the reservation where she belongs.”

“What’s she ever done to you?” Steve shouted. “She minds her own business! She’s a good neighbor!”

“She’s a good neighbor?” Fred scoffed. “She lives in a building with a family of gypsies, a family of wops, a mick widow, and a coupla mick fairies!”

And Steve’s fist was in Fred’s face before Bucky could even grab for him. 

Fred staggered back, pulling on Mrs. Lamarche’s hair and making her scream again. 

Harry and Davey jumped into the fight, but Bucky tripped Davey before he could touch Steve and punched Harry.

Davey, who moved pretty quickly for a heavy guy, jumped right back up and grabbed Bucky, holding him for Harry to hit back. 

Suddenly there was a dark colored blur at the edge of Bucky’s vision and Davey let go of him. 

Both of the DeLuca boys had joined the fight, one punching Davey and the other grabbing Harry. 

Bucky immediately went after Fred, who had Steve on the ground punching him while Mrs. Lamarche ineffectively tried to pull Fred away.

Of course someone called the cops, who arrived while Bucky and Fred and Harry and Enzo DeLuca were still trading licks. Rico DeLuca had tied Davey’s arms to the lightpole with his own belt, and Mrs. Lamarche had sent him inside to get Steve’s asthma cigarettes.

Captain Watson was the responding officer, with his trainee Jimmy Newman. Bucky didn’t know Watson well, just in passing because he’d been patrolling this area as long as Bucky could remember, but Newman was sweet on Bucky’s sister Becca and had been to Sunday dinner with the parents a few times. 

“Break it up, fellas!” Watson shouted, and immediately everyone stopped fighting, turning to face the officers sheepishly. 

“What’s going on here?” the Captain demanded, looking at Fred. 

“Me and my boys were just walkin’ down the street, and we got jumped on by the wops and the fairies!” Fred cried.

“This sum bitch … “ Steve shouted, staggering to his feet and pointing to Fred. 

Bucky grabbed one of Steve’s arms and Mrs. Lamarche grabbed the other as Steve swayed. 

“You.” Captain Watson pointed at Bucky. “Barnes, right? You start talking, and everyone else shut your traps until I ask.”

“Sir, Steve, my roommate and me, we were tidying up after supper and we heard a lady scream. We came out, and those three” he pointed. “Had Mrs. Lamarche here down on the ground. I think they were trying to steal her purse. Steve told them to leave her alone. They started beating on Steve and me. Then Enzo and Rico, I guess you guys heard the commotion, right?” 

The brothers nodded. 

“They came to help us. And that’s when you guys got here.”

“Ma’am, are you hurt?” Watson asked. 

She shook her head. “Those young men knocked me to the ground, and knocked my purse away. They were pulling my hair, but I wasn’t really hurt.”

“What about this fella?” Watson pointed at Steve. “He need to go to the hospital?”

“I’m okay.” Steve wheezed. “Gave me an asthma attack, but I’ll be okay.”

“You sure about that?” Newman asked. 

“I will watch out for him.” Mrs. Lamarche said. 

“She used to be a nurse.” Enzo told the officers. 

“Yeah, she patched up our papa a while back when he got hurt at the factory.” Rico added. 

“She took care of Steve a coupla times when he had pneumonia.” Bucky said. 

“More like some voo-doo medicine woman!” Davey sneered. “Can’t you people tell a squaw when you see one?”

“Mrs. Lamarche is French Canadian!” Enzo shouted back. “Her husband was a professor at Columbia!”

“Is that true?” Watson asked. 

Mrs. Lamarche nodded. “My husband was a history professor. I worked in a clinic in Quebec before we came here for him to teach at Columbia.”

“You just gonna take the word of some redskin injun, a coupla wop boys, and a coupla mick fairies over _ us _?” Fred cried indignantly.

“Yeah, I think I will.” Watson said, putting his hands on his hips. “Because I know you three have been bullies since you were knee high to a bullfrog. And I see a lady’s purse strewn out all over the sidewalk. Let me tell ya, you’ve got to be lower than low to pick on an old lady, no matter what color her skin is, and a 90 pound asthmatic!” He turned to the DeLuca brothers. “How old are you boys?”

“I’m 17 and Rico is 16, sir.” Enzo answered. 

“They’re just high school kids!” Watson threw his hands up. “So you think you’re tough guys, because you beat on old ladies, children, a sickly man, and gang up three on one against the only healthy grown man in the bunch?”

The three men hung their heads and didn’t answer. 

“We’re gonna take a walk down to the precinct. I can’t charge you with purse snatching, since it’s still here, but I think maybe a night in jail for disorderly conduct and mayhem will get your attention.”

Newman bent down and picked up Mrs. Lamarche’s purse and contents for her. 

“Ma’am, these young men shouldn’t give you any more trouble, but if they do, you just let me know.” Watson told her as he snapped handcuffs on Fred and Harry. 

“Thank you.” 

The officers wished them a good night, taking Fred, Harry, and Davey away. 

“You get Steve inside and see to him.” Enzo told Bucky. “My brother and I will get Mrs. Lamarche upstairs.”

“Thanks.” Bucky nodded. “If you need anything, let us know.”

“Yeah, pal, you too.”

Bucky half carried Steve into the apartment, parked him in a chair, and went to get Steve’s ma’s nursing bag. 

“What am I gonna do with you?” Bucky sighed. 

“I got some ideas.” Steve tried to smirk, but the effect was ruined by his black eye, busted lip, and rapidly forming bruises. 

Bucky cleaned the wounds and bandaged the ones he could. 

He got Steve a little of the brandy they kept for medicinal purposes and another asthma cigarette. 

He was pouring his own brandy when there was a knock on the door. 

He and Steve frowned at each other before Bucky answered the door. 

It was Captain Watson. 

“You mind if I speak to you a minute?”

“No. Come on in.” Bucky opened the door wider. 

“Would your friend be alright if we walked outside?” Watson asked. 

Bucky looked back at Steve. 

“I’m fine. Go ahead.”

Bucky left with the policeman and was gone for about ten minutes. 

“What was that all about?” Steve asked.

Bucky walked around the apartment closing the windows before he answered. 

“Watson said that Newman had told him about us, that we had been best friends since we were in first grade, and that I moved in here to help take care of you after your mom died because you don’t have any other family. That you have a list of health problems as long as you are tall and the doctors didn’t expect you to live this long, honestly.” He ran a hand through his hair. “He said that Fred and Harry have spread it around the neighborhood that you and I are fairies. And that they’re not the only ones around here who might get drunk and decided to teach us a lesson for being queer. So. He suggested that I go on dates with girls as much as possible, and for you to go on a few here and there so everyone will think that we are just a coupla bachelors sharing expenses. He suggested that it might be a good idea for me to join the army, but I told him that if I was gone you wouldn’t have anyone to watch out for you. I told him how you’ve never met a fist you wouldn’t run your face into if someone was insulting a lady or an old person or, I don’t know, a chimpanzee or whatever. He suggested that I join the police force. He said that Mr. Nanneman down at the butcher shop told him how responsible I was when I worked there, and that I must be a good man to put my life on hold to take care of my sickly best friend.”

“You, a cop?” Steve snorted. 

“I think I’m gonna do it.” Bucky said softly. 

Steve’s head snapped up so fast it was a wonder it didn’t break his neck. “What?”

“Well, the captain’s right, you know.” Bucky shrugged. “No one is gonna accuse a policeman of being a queer. And if the US ends up getting into this war in Europe, they won’t draft police officers. I’d be able to stay here with you. Dock hands will probably be the first guys drafted.”

“Bucky, I can’t ask you to do this.”

Bucky shrugged and gave him a watery smile. “You don’t have to ask, punk. I’m with you ‘til the end of the line. I’ll do whatever it takes to be with you. I'll become a cop. I'll go out on dates with girls. I'll work more jobs if I have to. But when it's done, I'm coming home to you.”

Steve didn’t answer. He took Bucky’s hand, led him to the bedroom, and proved that they were both very, very queer when it came to each other.


	8. Chapter 8

Steve was sitting on the couch in the dark when Bucky got home.

“Steve? What are you doing still up? It’s after eleven, and you have to work in the morning. Are you sick?”

Steve didn’t say a word. He just handed Bucky an envelope. 

It was from the Selective Service Board, addressed to Mr. James B. Barnes. 

Everyone had seen one of these envelopes. No one had to open it to know what the letter inside said. 

Bucky had been drafted.

He sank down on the couch beside Steve. 

“It’ll be okay.” he whispered. 

“It’ll be okay?” Steve asked incredulously. “You’re being drafted, and you’re telling _ me _ it will be okay?”

“Steve.”

“No, it’s not okay, Buck! You’re a police officer! And they’re sending you off to fight! You know what that means? It means that so many of our guys over there have been killed that they’re taking the people who are supposed to protect us back home to send over there!”

“Well, gee, pal, that makes me feel so much better.”

“It’s not fair.” Steve muttered. 

“I know it’s not.” Bucky tore open the envelope. “I report on the 4th of next month. I’ve got almost four weeks.”

“I’m going to enlist tomorrow.” 

Bucky laughed. “Yeah, right. They’re never going to take you. You know that. You already tried twice.”

“I’m still gonna try again.”

“Steve. No.”

“And why not?”

“Because the first time you have to run for a foxhole with the enemy shooting at you, you’re going to have an asthma attack or heart palpitations, if you can even _ hear _ them shooting! And secondly, because I need you here and safe so that I have someone to come home to.”

“Buck.” Steve reached out and cupped his cheek.

“Don’t. Just don’t right now. Because I’m barely holding it together and I can’t hold both of us together.”

“Come on.” Steve stood and took his hand. “I’ll hold you.”

In the morning, they agreed not to tell anyone until they had the chance to tell Bucky’s family. 

Except Bucky had to tell his Captain of course, who was nearly as upset to hear Bucky had been drafted as Steve was. 

Bucky was off on Thursday, so he and Steve dropped by his parents’ house after Steve got off work. 

His ma treated them like returning heroes, making a fuss over them like she hadn’t seen them in a year, even though they had dinner with Bucky’s family after church last Sunday. 

(After which Bucky and Steve had come home and dissolved into giggles, wondering whether old Father Patrick had figured out that when Steve and Bucky had both confessed to fornication, they meant with each other, not with girls.)

As they were finishing their meal, Bucky’s dad looked at him and said “You got a letter, didn’t you?”

Everyone froze.

Bucky nodded. 

“When do you report?” George asked. 

“The .. “ Bucky cleared his throat. “The fourth of next month.”

Lucy, Bucky’s youngest sister, burst into tears.

“Hey, don’t start that.” Bucky said gently. “I’ll just be gone for a little while.”

Bucky’s ma turned to Steve. “Of course you’re welcome to live here.”

“Absolutely.” George nodded. 

“I appreciate the offer, but I’ll stay at our apartment.” Steve said. 

“I was going to talk to you about that actually.” Bucky said, looking from Steve to Becca. “Bec, if I sign up to have my army pay sent here to you, would you give it to Steve every month to keep the apartment up?”

“Of course.” Becca nodded, at the same time Steve said “Hey.”

“I could just move in with Steve.” Becca shrugged. 

Chaos erupted at the table. 

“What?” George shouted.

“We only have a one bedroom apartment!” Steve shook his head. 

“Becca, dear, we know you consider Steve another brother, but it’s just not proper for a young lady to live with a man she’s not really related to.” Her mother told her. 

“I get Becca’s room!” Mavis cried.

“So I’ll just marry Steve.” Becca shrugged. 

“Um, no.” Bucky said while Steve just gawked at her. 

“I’m not good enough for your best friend?” Becca folded her arms.

“You’re not even old enough to get married!” Bucky argued. 

“I’m twenty years old! I’ll be old enough to get married in four months, or Ma and Pop can sign for me to get married now.”

“Becca, honey, marriage isn’t something to be taken lightly.” Winnie told her. “This is a commitment forever.”

“Not really.” Becca shook her head. “Alice at work is getting a divorce. People do that now.”

“The church says divorce is a sin.” George replied. 

“The church says fornication is a sin but Mary Beth Murphy and Tom Hanson had to get married last month.” 

“We’re not talking about people who forestalled their marriage vows. We’re talking about getting married, which is a commitment for life, with the intent to get a divorce later.” Winnie said. 

“I didn’t say we definitely would get a divorce later. I said we could, if we wanted to. Steve needs someone to take care of him and Bucky’s going to be gone. Why shouldn’t Steve and I get married?”

“Because we don’t love each other?” Steve felt like he was going to choke on his own tongue.

“We do love each other. Maybe not in the way husbands and wives love each other, but we don’t love anyone else like that, right? So maybe we both find someone else and get divorced, or maybe we don’t, and we make things work.”

Everyone looked at Steve. 

Steve looked at Bucky. 

Steve wanted to say it. He wanted so badly to tell their family, the whole world even, how he felt about man beside him. 

He saw the fear in Bucky's eyes.

He couldn't do it.

He couldn’t do that to Bucky’s parents, couldn’t tell them that their only son, who they just learned was about to go to war, was a fairy who’d been buggering his best friend for years.

Steve looked at Becca. “Bec, thank you for making the offer, but I can’t let you do that. You’re young. You _ will _ find someone who deserves a young lady with such a generous heart. And you’d do a lot better than being saddled to me, knowing that I probably won’t live to be 30 anyway.”

“I’m still going to take care of you while Bucky’s gone.” Becca vowed. “And if neither one of us finds someone to marry within five years, I’m asking again.”

Steve smiled at her. “Fair enough.”

The subject was dropped in favor of making plans for the dinner Bucky's ma insisted should be thrown in his honor before he left.

They didn't talk about it when they got home, like they didn't talk about a lot of things these days.

They climbed into bed and Steve didn’t complain when Bucky held him like he was made of glass, even though Steve usually begged him for harder, faster.

On Saturday while Bucky was on duty, Becca stopped by.

"He's on patrol until 4."

"I know." She told Steve. "I came to see you."

Steve invited her in, offering a cup of tea and Mrs. DeLuca's butter cookies.

"What's up?" Steve asked, even though he had a pretty good idea 

"I really think you should reconsider marrying me." She told him.

"And why is that?"

"Because you won't be alone when you're sick. Because I'll keep working, and you'll have Bucky's Army pay, so if we save our money, by the time he gets back, we'll be able to afford a two bedroom apartment. Because he won't have to worry about you getting lynched while he's gone. Because no one will accuse the two of you of being fairies anymore. Because when Buck gets back, no one will think twice about it if the three of us all live together, me, my husband, and my brother, if they don’t know I’m the one sleeping alone."

"Becca."

"Oh please. I've known the two of you were gone on each other probably longer than you guys have. I'm not gonna tell anyone. I love you two."

"Becca." He shook his head, not really trusting himself to say anything else at the moment.

"I'm not trying to steal you from my brother." She stood up and rounded the table to hug Steve. "But what are we going to do without him, Steve?"

"He's going to come home." Steve said. "He has to."

"He has to." Becca agreed.

When Bucky came home that afternoon, Steve told him about Becca's visit.

"Stevie, if I don't come home, you promise me that you'll find a dame and settle down. Whether it's Becca or someone else, you find a good lady and settle down."

"You're coming home, Buck." Steve said. "And I'll be right here waiting."

Bucky looked away. 

"What is it?" Steve asked.

"After the war, everyone one will be expecting us to find dames and get married. We're pushing it as it is. I'm already 25 and you will be next year. That would be a spinster if I was a dame."

Steve turned away from him, walking toward the window even though the curtains were closed. 

He jumped when Buck placed a hand on his shoulder. 

“We always knew this would happen, Stevie. Fairies can’t get married, and no one is going to change that just for a coupla bums from Brooklyn.”

“I know you go around with dames. I just … I hate it. After the war, if you get married … “

Bucky turned Steve to face him. “What do you mean, I go around with dames? I go on dates here and there to keep suspicions down, but nothing happens. Do you hear me? I ain’t been with a woman since the first time I let you put it in me. I kiss them goodnight, but that’s as far as it goes, and I wouldn’t do that except people would make a fuss of it if I didn’t at least try to get a kiss.”

Steve leaned forward, pressing his face into Bucky’s uniform shirt. 

“I just … I know I’m terrible, since I probably won’t live another ten years, but I just don’t want you to be anyone’s but mine.”

“You’re not terrible. I’m not exactly thrilled about the idea myself.”

“Jerk.” Steve muttered, poking Bucky’s side. 

“Come on. I’m hungry.” Bucky tugged Steve toward the kitchen. 

That night Steve spent a full hour taking Bucky apart, bringing him almost to the edge and then stopping again before he slicked them both up and rode Bucky slowly, watching his face the whole time. 

He buried his face in Bucky’s neck in the dark.

“If I was a dame, I woulda married you as soon as you got your draft letter. And I’d let you stick it in me bare every night so we’d have a baby on the way by the time you left.”

“If you were a dame, I woulda married you as soon as you turned 21.” Bucky snorted. “And I do stick it in ya bare every night. Except for the nights you stick it in me, or we just give each other suckjobs.”

“You know what I’m sayin’.” Steve grumbled. 

“Yeah, I know. But I’m glad I’m not leaving you behind with a baby. I’d worry a lot more. I’d be over there trying to dodge Nazi bullets, wondering which one ya was having an asthma attack today.”

“Our kids could be like you.”

“Nah Stevie, with our luck, all of our kids would turn out just like you.”

They never discussed what would happen if Bucky didn’t come home. Steve flatly refused to consider the possibility. 

“You’ve been a police officer for two years. That’s a dangerous job. You’ve never not come home.”

Steve knew Bucky had talked to Becca and his parents about it, but he didn’t even want to know what they had talked about. 

What he focused on instead was spending every available moment giving Bucky memories of them together.

He told himself it was because Bucky would be gone a while, and he wanted Bucky to have good things to think about. 

He refused to admit to himself that he was trying to prove that he could love Bucky better than some faceless, nameless European dame Bucky might meet overseas. 

He tried to join the Army twice more, but was rejected as 4F both times. 

He didn’t tell Bucky about that. 

The last week before Bucky left for boot camp, he had a date every night except his last night, when he had dinner planned with his family. It was what other young men about to go to war did, what was expected for them.

He had a different kind of date with Steve every night when he got home from his other date. 

When Bucky cuddled him close, good sex always making him sappy, Steve told himself that it didn’t hurt to be Bucky’s secret in the dark, because when it was all said and done, he got a part of Bucky that no one else did.

He kissed Bucky goodbye in their apartment before walking him to the train, where all the dames got to kiss their fellas in the station. 

He spent the entire six weeks Bucky was at boot camp eating the healthiest foods he could get, exercising, and begging Mrs. Lamarche for any herbal remedies to make him strong, even if she told him they weren’t going to fix all his health concerns.

Bucky wrote that he was coming home for twenty four hours before he shipped out. 

Steve was up early that morning, despite being off work, to take the train to Paramus. 

He went to the recruiting office, praying to every saint he could think of that he would pass the physical this time. 

He didn’t.

Part of him knew that he wouldn’t, but he had to try anyway. 

He wasn’t going to tell Bucky, but of course he found out anyway. 

He wasn’t angry, just resigned.

He had set up a double date to go to the science expo, Bucky with Connie Coleman and Steve with some friend of hers. 

Steve tried not to be jealous, even if Bucky had gone out with Connie twice in the week before he left for boot camp. 

He had come home and fucked Steve every night that week. 

Connie was a sweet girl, and good friends with Becca. If she was still single after the war, Bucky’s parents had hinted around, she’d make a good wife. 

Steve had sneaked away from them at the Stark Expo, telling himself that this was the last time he would try to enlist. 

He knew it was a lie, because he sat in the waiting room wondering about taking a train to Chicago, or maybe somewhere way down south like Atlanta, if he was turned down this time. 

To his amazement, he was accepted this time. 

He didn’t tell Bucky when they both got home later. Buck was already upset about leaving in the morning, and his feelings were hurt that Steve had ditched their date. 

He focused instead on sucking Buck’s brains out through his dick, and then letting him pound Steve into the mattress so well that he wasn’t sure either of them could remember their own names. 

Once again, he had to kiss Buck goodbye before they left for the train station. Bucky’s parents and all three of his sisters came to see him off.

Bucky was smart. He knew Steve had something up his sleeve, but also realized that Steve wasn’t going to tell him. 

After the train left, Steve asked Becca to walk with him. The rest of the family dispersed, trusting Steve implicitly to get Becca to her job at the drugstore on time. 

“I joined the Army.” He told her as soon as they were alone. 

“You what?” She raised an eyebrow. 

“I’ve tried to join like six times, but this time they actually took me. It’s for a special program.”

“And you didn’t tell Buck because he would have gone AWOL to see what you were doing.” 

Steve grinned. “Something like that.”

“So now what?”

“If you’re agreeable, you’ll be my fiancee, and I’ll send you my pay too so you can keep mine and Bucky’s place up while we’re gone.”

“When do you leave?” she asked. 

“Friday.”

“That doesn’t give us much time.”

And just like that, little Steve Rogers, who most of the neighborhood suspected of being a fairy, became a soldier with a fiancee, instantly making him a manly man and squashing all the queer rumors.


	9. Chapter 9

The first night they were marching back to camp, Bucky was somewhat disoriented so he didn't ask too many questions. 

By the next morning, he had started to recover his wits, and apparently, his temper.

"So some mad scientist said he could do some experimental things that might fix you or it might kill you, and you just agreed to it without asking questions?"

"You can really lift over a thousand pounds now?"

"Don't you need to stop and rest by now? Did you even bring your asthma cigarettes?"

Bucky's mood got worse the more questions he asked. 

The questions tapered off to Bucky clenching his jaw and giving Steve the silent treatment.

By the time they reached camp near noon of the third day, Bucky had barely spoken the entire morning. 

He grudgingly went to the medical tents to be checked over, while Steve was called to a briefing with Colonel Phillips. 

It was late afternoon by the time they caught up to one another again. Steve briefly filled Bucky in on the idea the brass had pitched, forming an elite team to take on Hydra specifically. 

Bucky seemed to think it was a good idea. He went with Steve into town to pitch the idea to the rest of Steve’s chosen team. 

A couple drinks in, Bucky was in a better mood, and Steve had almost convinced himself that whatever had happened on the way back to camp had been due to Buck being sick and hurt.

However, right after Peggy told him that Howard wanted to go over some equipment in the morning, Bucky’s foul mood returned. 

Steve had enough. “Come on. Let’s find some place we can talk.”

Bucky slipped the barkeep a few dollars for a key to one of the private rooms upstairs. 

He went up, and Steve waited about five minutes before following him. 

Bucky was on the bed, stripped down to his underwear, a small jar of Vaseline on the nightstand. 

“Bucky.” Steve sighed. “I said talk.”

Bucky surged up off the bed, suddenly angry again. He shoved at Steve’s chest. 

“I know what you said. You said we need to talk. And I know that’s international code for goodbye fuck, so let’s just get it over with and then you move on with your new life.”

Steve knew in that moment what people meant when they said they saw red. Maybe because Steve had been colorblind until recently, or maybe because Steve had never been that angry at Bucky before.

He shoved back at Bucky’s chest, hard enough to make him stumble backwards. 

“So this is it, then? You joined the army and I’m not good enough for you anymore? You found some nurse or unit clerk on base that’ll give you a tumble?”

“Me? I guess that muscle juice they injected you with must have boiled your brains, because it damn sure wasn’t me that Carter was wearin’ that red dress for!”

“So what if it was? Weren’t you the one telling me that we needed to settle down and get married after the war? Or was that only you?”

Bucky grabbed his pants and started to pull them on. “Yeah whatever, pal. You go stick your dick in anyone that’ll let ya. I’m sure that’s bigger now too.”

“You wanna find out?” Steve asked, his hand going to his belt.

“Moment’s over.” Bucky pulled his undershirt on, grabbed his button-down shirt and jacket, and turned toward the door.

Steve grabbed his arm and shoved him against the wall, one hand twisted in Buck’s undershirt, crowding right up in Bucky’s face. 

Bucky narrowed his eyes and pressed his lips together, staring defiantly. 

“I don’t know what ‘til the end of the line’ means to you, but to me, it’s the same as for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health. You have taken care of me when I was too sick to wipe my own ass, but now you don’t want me when I’m healthy?”

The anger seeped out of Bucky’s eyes, replaced by bone deep sadness. 

“I do, Steve. There would never be a day in my life that I wouldn’t want to be with you above anyone else. But I’m just some bum from Brooklyn who had to drop out of high school to get a job when his pa got sick. You got people from all over the country, hell, people from  _ other  _ countries, who are willing to give you anything you ask for. You got Carter, who is the classiest dame I’ve ever met, who has money and power, looking like you like you’re the greatest thing she’s ever seen. You’ve got the whole world at your feet, pal. You don’t need me anymore.”

Steve’s other hand came up to curve around Bucky’s jaw, his thumb brushing over trembling lips. 

“No, Buck.” he whispered, shaking his head. “You’re the whole world to me. Why would I even look at any of those people when I’ve got you?”

They both leaned forward and the angle was all wrong because it was the first time they had ever kissed with Steve taller than Bucky, but after a few seconds, they figured it out. 

Then it was on like a house afire, Bucky fumbling with the buttons on Steve’s uniform and Steve trying to pull the undershirt over Bucky’s head without breaking their kiss.

They tumbled onto the bed in a mess of tangled limbs and clothes. 

“Four months.” Steve gasped. “I haven’t had you inside me in four months. My fingers aren’t the same. I’m dying.”

“Fucking overdramatic.” Bucky muttered, unfastening his belt. 

By the time he shoved his pants and underwear down over his hips, Steve’s mouth was on him.

“Stevie. Fuck. Not gonna last if you do that.”

Steve released him with a slurping pop and sat up, grinning at him. “Had to do it before you slicked up with Vaseline. That’s stuff’s nasty.”

Bucky laughed. “Not Vaseline. I emptied the container and went by the mess tent. Got the cook to give me shortening in it instead. I told him it tastes better on chapped lips and works better on dry dames.”

“So I’m a dry dame now?” Steve snorted. 

“You want me to tell him that I was planning to tumble Captain America tonight?”

“I guess you’ve got a point.” 

“I’m about to give you the point.”

“Get on with it then.”

They came together with all the pent up desperation of the past four months of separation, which had culminated in eleven hours Steve had thought Bucky was dead. The kisses were rough, and they left bruises on each other in the shape of handprints. 

It was by far the best sex of Steve’s life. 

“Hurry up.” Steve whined, shoving one of his own fingers inside himself alongside the two Bucky had in. 

“Serum didn’t fix your impatience.”

“Less yapping. More fucking.”

“Magnifies everything, huh? Sure made you even more bossy.”

“As your captain, I order you to shut up and stick it in me, Sergeant.”

“Yes sir.” Bucky pulled out the hand he’d been stretching Steve with and used it to give a mocking salute as his other hand and both of Steve’s fumbled to line up his cock. 

As Steve sank down on him, they both threw their heads back and groaned. 

“You think I want Carter?” Steve taunted as he raised himself slowly. “When I’ve got you and you already know the perfect angle for you to hit …” He trailed off as Bucky’s hands closed around his hip bones, pulling Steve’s pelvis down while tilting his own hips slightly. “Fuck, right there!”

Bucky grabbed Steve’s cock with a slick hand, rubbing the pad of his thumb over the spot on the underside where the head met the shaft. Steve gasped and muttered something incoherent. 

“And I know exactly how to shut you up, too.”

They both only lasted a minute after that. Steve crashed forward onto Bucky’s chest, but had to shift to lay beside him on the narrow bed after Bucky complained that he couldn’t breathe.

“I missed you.” Bucky sighed into the top of Steve’s head. 

“Missed you too, jerk.”

“You okay?” Bucky asked. “Breathing good? Heart beating right?”

“‘M fine, Buck.”

They lay there quietly for several moments, just breathing each other in, until Bucky reached down and closed his hand around Steve’s erection that was poking against his lower belly.

“You’re already getting hard again? Sometimes you couldn’t get hard again until the next day!”

“Serum fixed it.” 

“But it didn’t make it any bigger.”

Steve lifted his head to look at Bucky indignantly. “I think it’s a little bigger.”

Bucky rolled over face down and wiggled his hips. “I don’t know. Maybe if you stick it in me I can tell.”

Steve laughed and levered himself up to straddle Bucky’s thighs. “I think that can be arranged.”

Dr Erskine must have overestimated the effects of the serum, or underestimated just how sick Steve had been before. The serum hadn’t accelerated his healing that much faster than everyone else. Steve noticed the next morning that the bruises he left on Bucky had faded nearly as much as the bruises Bucky left on him. 


	10. Chapter 10

“Your friend.” Peggy said. 

“Your friend.” She kept repeating, while Steve stared into the glass of amber liquid that couldn’t dull his senses.

His “friend” because Captain America wasn’t allowed to be a fairy.

His “friend” because Peggy couldn’t admit she knew the truth. Steve would be sent home in disgrace and Peggy’s SSR, her life’s work, would be shut down. 

His “friend” because “his soulmate, the love of his life, and the reason Steven Grant Rogers is even still breathing” was ridiculously overdramatic even for him. 

She didn’t try to tell him that everything would be all right or anything trite like that. They both knew better.

Steve went through the next three days in a fog, functioning on automatic or because someone told him what to do. He found himself bunked with Falsworth and presumed that Dugan had taken his and Bucky’s quarters. Peggy, Stark, and Colonel Phillips presented him with a to-do list of sign here, go there, do this. 

The Howlies didn’t say much. Steve knew they were all grieving too, and hated himself because he couldn’t step up and be the leader they needed right now.

On the third evening, Steve found himself on a plane loaded with bombs headed for the east coast with Peggy talking to him on the radio.

“You promised.” Bucky’s voice said in Steve’s head. “You promised that if I didn’t come home, you’d find a nice girl and settle down. Carter will take you home. She’s way too good for you, but she doesn’t seem to know that.”

“I promised til the end of the line.” Steve told the Bucky in his head, and that shut him up. 

The water was getting closer, and Steve was glad he had the sense to get the can of Crisco out of the bedroom and put it back in the kitchen before he left so that Bucky’s family wouldn’t find it when they cleaned out the apartment.

The impact didn’t kill him. But the icy water was seeping into the cracks in the plane, and Steve knew it couldn’t float very long. 

He unbuckled his seat belt, picked up the shield, and went to the cargo area. 

He laid down on the floor, waiting for the cold water to take him to Bucky. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, this is short and sad. The next one will be better, I promise.


	11. Chapter 11

Shuri had warned him that the thawing process could take as long as three hours “because we’re not barbarians here. We don’t just yank someone out of cryostasis still half frozen and throw them into a hot shower.”

Steve stood in front of the chamber the whole time at parade rest, waiting to be the first thing Bucky saw. 

Shuri had built an artificial intelligence copy of Bucky’s damaged brain, which she had experimented on to figure out how to repair the physical harm Hydra had done, remove the triggers, and keep intact whatever memories Bucky had left as much as possible. If one method didn’t work as well as she hoped, she was able to reset the AI version and start over until she found the one that did.

The best news was that she was able to fix Bucky’s actual brain while he was still in cryostasis so there was no pain and no trauma involved. 

Now, it was just waiting to see if it really worked. 

Shuri was pretty certain it had. Steve had learned over his (very long) life to be skeptical of anything that seemed too good to be true. 

At the two hours and twenty minutes mark, Bucky began to show signs of waking. His eyes moved behind his eyelids. His lips parted slightly. Steve didn’t see whether it was his head or shoulder that actually moved, but he saw the resulting flutter of Bucky’s hair. 

Four minutes later, he took a breath. 

Steve took one as well, realizing that he hadn’t exactly been holding his breath, but he certainly hadn’t been breathing freely. 

About ten minutes after his first breath, Bucky opened his eyes. 

He smiled softly. 

Steve grinned at him.

The tube opened, and Steve yanked Bucky into a hug before anyone could tell him no. 

“How do you feel, Sergeant Barnes?” Shuri asked. 

“Pretty good.” He smiled at her over Steve’s shoulder. “That’s the first time I’ve ever woken from cryo that didn’t hurt.”

“Seriously?” Steve asked, pulling back to look at him. 

“Well, Hydra wasn’t exactly concerned about my comfort.” He shrugged. He turned back to Shuri. “Do you know how to fix the trigger words?”

“We think it’s already done.” T’Challa said. “With your permission, we’d like to read the words to see if you react.”

Bucky looked concerned and Steve was quick to reassure him. 

“Hey, we’ll do it on your terms, okay? You tell us how to make you feel comfortable with it. T’Challa and I will restrain you if you turn into the Winter Soldier until you can be deactivated. We’ll make sure there’s no one who can get hurt. And if you want to stop, just tell us and we’ll stop.”

Bucky nodded. “Let’s get it over with.”

“Would you like to sit down?” T’Challa offered, gesturing to three comfortable looking chairs in the corner. 

Bucky walked over to sit, and when he and Steve looked up again, Shuri had stepped behind a clear wall of safety glass or whatever it was they put in labs these days. 

No one else, other than T’Challa who was sitting in the third chair, was in sight. 

“Are you ready, Sergeant Barnes?” She asked.

He glanced at Steve, and then at her. “Call me Bucky. And yes, I’m ready.”

She pressed a button, and a recording of someone with absolutely no accent began reading the series of words. 

Bucky gripped the chair arm with white knuckles. 

“Longing. Rusted. Furnace. Daybreak. Seventeen. Benign. Nine. Homecoming. One. Freight car.” 

No one moved or spoke for a long moment after the recording ended. Then Bucky looked at Steve, an astonished grin breaking across his face.

“She did it.” Steve said, barely above a whisper, hardly able to believe it.

“There is still much to be done.” Shuri’s musical voice came from just behind them. 

All three men turned to find that she was now standing only ten feet away. 

“Sergeant Barnes will need extensive rehabilitation. I have healed the physical damage caused to his brain by the repeated electrical shocks and freezing, but it has done very little to allay the mental trauma. He will need extensive counseling. In addition, he will need medical intervention and physiotherapy to relieve the years of abuse and neglect under Hydra.”

“What kind of physical treatments, exactly?” Bucky asked.

Shuri glanced at Steve and T’Challa pointedly.

“You may speak freely in front of them.” Bucky nodded.

“Your metal arm was poorly attached with hardware that was probably causing you significant pain.” She paused. He nodded. “In addition, most of the hardware is lead or lead alloy, so it has been leaching lead into your system, which is harmful. We need to remove the hardware and replace it with more suitable material that will allow a better attachment for a replacement arm. I have designed a new arm that is lighter, more balanced, which will give you increased range of motion and mobility without pain.” 

“Is it okay if I don’t want a new arm right this minute?”

Steve looked at him in surprise.

“It is perfectly fine. Your bodily autonomy is our primary concern. We would never proceed with any course of action that makes you feel uncomfortable.”

“I don’t mean to seem ungrateful, but I’d like to take it slowly. I haven’t been Bucky Barnes in over seventy years. I need to figure out who he is first before I go adding more parts.”

“That is completely understandable, Sergeant.” She nodded. “However, I would urge you to consider the hardware exchange sooner rather than later. Long term exposure to lead will cause heart disease, kidney failure, and increased risk of stroke. I cannot predict the exact effect on a super soldier, but there is no known safe threshold for lead exposure.”

“Yeah. I just … I don’t handle medical stuff very well.”

“We’ll take whatever steps necessary to help you physically while maintaining your mental well-being.” She assured him. “For now, I am sure that you are hungry, and would probably like to catch up with Captain Rogers.”

Bucky frowned. “How long has it been?”

“Almost four weeks.” Steve told him. 

“That’s all?”

“It was two weeks longer than I would have liked.” Shuri shrugged. 

“We can discuss options for your long term stay tomorrow.” T’Challa inclined his head. “We have multiple accommodations available. For tonight we thought you might want to stay in Captain Rogers’ quarters. He has a two bedroom suite. We shall have dinner sent for you.”

“Thank you.” Bucky said, but he was looking at Steve as he spoke.

“Any medical concerns we should watch out for tonight?” Steve asked Shuri.

“None. Sergeant Barnes is quite fit, all things considered. Other than the hardware replacement, he has no current medical needs.” 

Bucky looked at Shuri and raised an eyebrow. 

She smiled sadly. "I had a specialist examine you while you were in cryostasis. The serum repaired all damage caused by Hydra."

He nodded, apparently satisfied with that answer.

“Come on, Buck. I’ll show you to our rooms. T’Challa, Shuri, thank you for everything. We’ll see you in the morning.”

“Good night.” the siblings bid them.

Steve led Bucky to a suite of rooms on the west wing of the second floor of the palace.

“How are your friends?” Bucky asked as Steve closed the door behind them. 

“As well as can be expected.” Steve shrugged. “Scott and Clint are working out deals with the government so they can go home to their families. Tony and I still haven't actually spoken, but he's anonymously sent us some tech and some money. Nat and Sam and Wanda and I have been doing some freelance work.”

“You’re mercs.” 

“Not exactly. We’re just doing a little law enforcement that the governments of the world can’t handle.”

“Has anything happened in the world in the past month I need to know about?”

Steve shrugged. “Not really. Mostly more of the same. Tony Stark and T’Challa are trying to convince the UN that we need to renegotiate the Sekovia Accords.”

Dinner was laid out on the table for them already, roast beef with rice, potatoes, sauteed spinach, and a banana cake for dessert.

They sat down to eat, and not much else was said until they finished, put away the leftovers, and washed the few dishes.

“Your room is here.” Steve led Bucky to a door. “There are clothes in the closet and a bathroom attached. You’ve got a tv and laptop and books in there, or uh, we could hang out in the sitting room for a while if you want, watch some tv or something.”

“Where’s your room?” Bucky asked softly. 

“Right here across the hall.” Steve pointed. “Anything you need … “

“Yeah okay goodnight.” Bucky said, turning into his room.

“Buck?” Steve stuck his foot in the door before it could be shut in his face. “What’s wrong?”

“I’ll ask T’Challa in the morning to find me another place. I’ll get out of your way.”

“What? Why do you think you’re in my way?”

Bucky kept his back turned. “Which one are you with now? Wilson or Romanoff?”

“Bucky. Look at me.”

Bucky turned, raising tired, defeated eyes.

“Why do you think I’m with one of them?” 

“Because you don’t want me anymore. I don’t blame you Stevie. I mean, it’s been over 70 years, I’m down an arm, and after all the shit I’ve done ...” He shrugged.

Steve slammed his hand against the door frame. “Are you kidding me? We’re having this fight _ again _? We did this after Azzano!”

“What?” Bucky seemed genuinely puzzled. 

“You don’t remember that? You thought that since I was big and strong I didn’t need you anymore. Now you think what, that because you were tortured for God knows how many years after I didn’t even go looking for you that I don’t want you anymore? Or that I’m so shallow I wouldn’t love you any more if you’re missing an arm that you lost trying to save _ me _?”

“You’re putting me in a room across the hall.” Bucky said slowly. 

“You _ just _ said you needed to figure out who Bucky Barnes is now! It would be irresponsible of me to expect you to just fall into bed with me when you’re still trying to get your head together!”

“I’m pretty sure that no matter what else happens, part of what makes me Bucky Barnes is the fact that I will happily fall into bed with Steve Rogers at every opportunity. Or at least that’s the way I remember it!”

It was Steve’s turn to be puzzled. “You really still want me? I mean, you’ve had 70-something years to change your mind too.”

“And yet here we are.” Bucky smirked. "Get on the bed."

Steve's look turned teasing and challenging at the same time. "All the lube and stuff is in my room."

Bucky laughed. "Okay. Get on your bed."

Steve opened his door and took the three steps to sit on the edge of his bed. Bucky followed him, and sat down straddling Steve's lap. 

They kissed slowly for almost a full minute before Steve pulled back and looked at Bucky, smoothing his hair away from his face. 

"There's never been anyone but you." Steve whispered. "Even when I thought you were dead, I couldn't even look at anyone that way for years. I tried to flirt with Sam when I first met him. It never went anywhere because I was terrible at it and he likes women."

Bucky turned his head away. 

"Buck, it's okay, whatever happened when we weren't together." Steve reached up and placed his hand on the side of Bucky's jaw.

Bucky turned back too quickly to see his expression and buried his face in Steve's neck. 

"I had hoped Shuri would tell you but I guess she was serious about the whole respecting my privacy thing." He trembled slightly. “Hydra … when they were turning me into the Winter Soldier, they … they did a lot of things to break me.”

“Buck.” Steve breathed into his hair.

“Yeah, that was one of them. Sometimes it was ten or twelve men in a row, each one trying to do something more degrading and humiliating than the one before.”

“Buck we don’t have to … “

He raised his head. “Steve. I want this with you. But I’m probably gonna have to be the one sticking it to you for a while. And if I tell you not to touch me in a certain way or say certain things … “

“Whatever you need.” Steve promised. 

Bucky put his head on Steve’s shoulder. “There were also a few times when they were training female agents that they made them seduce me as part of their training.”

“Buck, you can’t think for a second I would hold any of that against you. None of it was your fault. You didn’t choose the women or the men.”

“On the one hand, I know that, but on the other hand, I was a trained soldier. I should have been able to stop them.”

“You’re one person, you didn’t have any weapons, and you were missing an arm. There’s no way you could have held off a dozen men, whether they had weapons or not.”

“Can we stop talking about it?” Bucky shifted restlessly.

“Of course. What do you want to talk about instead?”

“Nothing.” Bucky lifted his head and kissed Steve.

He kissed his way across to Steve’s ear and down the side of his neck, reaching for the hem of Steve’s shirt.

“Buck. Wait. Ground rules. Tell me what not to do.”

Bucky sighed, licked his lips, and nodded. “Yeah. Okay. No hands on my ass. Don’t ask me if I like it. And I know you like it rough, but I’m not sure I can do that right now.”

“Take off your clothes and lay back.” 

Bucky did as Steve told him. Steve stripped off his own clothes, joining him on the bed. They lay on their sides, facing each other.

“Is this okay?”

“Yeah. You realize this is probably the biggest bed we’ve ever been in?”

“We haven’t been naked together since 1945, and you wanna talk about the size of the bed?”

“Shut up, punk.”

“Make me.”

Bucky reached for Steve’s neck to pull him closer, because kissing was a pretty effective way to shut Steve up. 

They made out lazily for several minutes before Steve pulled away and reached behind him. 

“Buck … lube in the future is amazing. No more Crisco. This stuff is slicker and tastes good.”

“Steve, if you haven’t been fooling around, why were you tasting lube?”

“Because Natasha gave me a box with every flavor she could find, and you know, when I was on the plane coming to you when you were coming out of cryo, I tried them all. Had to figure out which was the best one.” 

He slipped a small bottle into Bucky’s hand. 

“You’re an idiot. You’re 98 years old and you’re still an idiot.”

“I’m your idiot. You’re 99 years old and you still put up with me so what does that say about you?”

“That I’m too old to go training a new boyfriend now?”

“We’ve been together for 80 years, Buck. You ever think about that?”

“Maybe it’s time that I get around to making an honest man out of you.”

“We can’t get married.”

“Why not?” Bucky frowned. “Shuri told me that it’s legal for fellas to get married in Wakanda.”

“Yeah, but you’re legally dead.”

“Well I guess if I’m legally dead I can’t fuck you. I’m pretty sure necrophilia is still illegal.”

“You don’t have to be like that now.”

They dissolved into giggles and then resumed kissing again. 

“Here, help me with this.” Bucky handed Steve the little bottle of lube and then held out his hand.

Steve squirted lube into his palm, and then some onto his own hand. “I’m kinda disappointed that I didn’t get to try the prostate thing with metal fingers.”

Bucky did a double take at that. “You what?”

“I may have had some fantasies.”

“Captain America is a pervert. Who would have thought.”

“Capt … oooh.”

Bucky closed his hand around Steve’s cock and interrupted whatever smart answer Steve had been about to give. 

They kissed and touched each other more slowly and gently than they ever had, except for maybe once or twice when Steve had been small and recovering from illness. 

Bucky opened Steve up while sucking him off. Their kisses became more heated.

“Can I ride you?” Steve whispered. 

“Yeah, you’ve always liked to be on top, bossy little shit.”

“Jerk.” Steve said, but he smiled as he said it, moving to straddle Bucky’s hips.

“Wait.” Bucky said, trying to pull the pillows behind his back with his one hand.

Steve helped him prop up so that Bucky could kiss Steve while Steve lowered himself onto Bucky’s cock.

“You remember how to do this, old man?” Steve teased. 

Bucky shifted his hips and Steve’s, immediately finding the spot that made Steve’s eyes roll back in his head. 

They kissed wet and messy almost the whole time. 

“I love you.” Bucky choked out while his body still spasmed with his orgasm. “God I love you Stevie.”

Steve brushed Bucky’s hair back, waiting until his eyes opened. “I love you too.”

The following morning, in the palace garden, with Natasha, Sam, Wanda, and Shuri as witnesses, T’Challa pronounced them husband and husband.

They spent the rest of the day making love and arguing over who was taking the other’s name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for reading and being so encouraging!


End file.
